Who are transgender people? They are people whose social and biological sexes do not match. In modern society we call them transsexuals, transvestites and androgyns.
The peculiarity is that transgender people have the right to choose how to express themselves in this world. Either according to their biological sex or the desired one. What is the problem?
The peculiarities of transgender identity
Transgender persons do not like themselves as they are accepted by the society. And the way they like themselves, society rejects them. Where does it all start? As it happens, we first begin to explore our gender identities as children. Scientists claim that there are 3-4% of transgender children on our planet. Most of them already in their teenage years determine whether they are gay or lesbian. But, as a rule, there is still 1% of people who continue to declare their transgender identity and only as the years go by do they join any of the parties.
The phenomenon of transgenderism primarily carries with it a mismatch in the perception of oneself and one’s innate gender. Around the age of 3, the child completes the stage of forming his or her “I” (the baby begins to consciously separate himself or herself from the world and objects around him or her). The “I” initially correlates itself with a boy or a girl, so most often the child does not have any difficulties with it.
But it also happens that children start to feel discomfort and not understand who he or she is. The baby begins to ask questions: “Mom, Dad, who am I? A boy or a girl?”. Others don’t see problems until they are teenagers. A prime example: the girl is a bully or the boy is a mama’s boy.
How to recognize a transgender person?
How do parents recognize transgenderism in their children? Pay attention to your child’s interests and hobbies. Especially on their unconventionality.
For example, a girl likes warriors and cars, and a boy likes to play with dolls and dress up dresses. Also, transgender people are more comfortable in the company of the opposite sex (a boy likes to play in the company of girls and vice versa).
This is the way it is for the time being. After a certain period the child starts to guess that something is wrong with him/her. Children believe that one day a miracle will happen and they will be who they want to be. They begin to persistently ask their parents, “Will I ever be able to be a girl? Mom, can you turn me into a boy?” But the miracle doesn’t happen. And then the child can withdraw into himself and shut himself off from the outside world.
This is how transgender people describe their feelings: “It feels like you’re not in your body,” “It feels like my body is not normal. All this forms in such personalities low self-esteem, negative attitudes toward themselves, feelings of guilt and thoughts of self-destruction. Very often such psychological tension causes various severe mental disorders (depression, nervous breakdowns, suicide attempts).
Already in adulthood transgender people have to find a balance in society. Many are forced to decide whether to follow their feelings, to accept their forced gender role, or to find a compromise – to become gay/lesbian. There are those who begin to lead a double life. At work he is Ivan Ivanovich, and to his friends he is just Maria. Those who cannot pretend, sooner or later decide to change sex.
What should parents of transgender persons do?
What should parents do? There is a rule of two in raising transgender children. The first is support. The second is acceptance.
At first, most parents are shocked, “How so? My little girl doesn’t want to be a girl. It’s all my fault. I brought her up wrong. It’s okay, I’ll fix her.
For starters, you need to accept and realize that this is not an illness or a mistake in upbringing. It is the nature of the child. Until adolescence, you should quietly observe his development. In adolescence, the child will again go through the stage of gender identity. Perhaps things will still change.
You don’t have to obsess about raising a non-transgender person. He was born that way and you can’t change that. Trying to suppress his innate nature will only make the child more unhappy. It is better to make an effort to create an environment for the full development of a personality in which the child will feel comfortable having such a peculiarity. Each parent will be able to find a balance for themselves in supporting and accepting their child, after answering the following questions:
- How do I feel when I think about my child’s transgender identity? Excitement or fear? Fear for my child’s difficult life and the difficulty of adjusting? Or fear of others’ opinions and condemnation in society?
- How do you feel about transgender people in general? What do you know about them? Society develops, and with it the attitude towards such people.
- Do you blame yourself for this situation? The main thing to remember is that if you have a special child, it does not mean that the problem is with you as a person. Because it is not an epidemic or a miscalculation in parenting.
- Do you love your child?
The fact is that parental love is unconditional. That is, we accept the child as he or she is and love him or her for just being there for us.
In the end I would like to say that for transgender children our whole world is like an alien planet with its own strange traditions and rules. No matter how much they want to conform to these alien rules, they still do not succeed. So expanding our understanding and acceptance of this other world will help transgender people feel at home.